So I'm reading a book right now called Wrestling Prayer by Eric and Leslie Ludy. I was not prepared at all when it started to talk about self-pity and a slew of other sins that hinder an effective prayer life. I will quote from the book from page 48. This is Eric talking here..."Well, I yielded this throne on inner control over to Jesus Christ when I was 19. But what I didn't realize at the time was that I was, in a sense, inviting over 10,000 Mom Ludys into my inner life to labor full-time investigating my heart and mind 24/7 for any presence of self-sin. Every pillowcase examined, every dresser drawer culled, every last inch of my locker scrutinized, and every football-card album paged through and purged of all distraction.
'Dear God!' I remember thinking when this examination of my soul first began. 'I can't handle this! Please let me be!' The whole process was exhausting to my soul. I didn't realize how many crevices in my life had become strategic hiding places for secret sin.
'You must learn, Eric,' God seemed to say in response,'I give no quarter to the enemy! I can provide no hospitality to the flesh. Your body is MY house now, and you must allow Me to make it a place fit for a King's presence.' "
It feels like this is what I'm going through right now. Very needed and I'm glad this is happening, but oh...is it ever painful to see how much sin is hidden away...how utterly disgusting it is to see how settled in I had become on the throne that doesn't belong to me. I can't serve two masters, and I KNOW I will be happier serving my Lord than simply serving myself.
I look forward to becoming a woman of God who is beautiful inside and out, but it can only happen through an intense burning off of the self-sin within and allowing Jesus His rightful place on the throne of my inner self.
I don't want to give quarter to any sin in my life...and I hope with the help of my awesome husband we can grow together in holiness.