Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat oven to 375. Melt 1 c. margarine in saucepan. Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Malachi “no, no”. Add margarine to 2 c. sugar. Take shortening can away from Malachi and clean cupboards. Measure 1/3 c. cocoa. Take shortening can away from Malachi again and bathe cat. Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing shortening from cat’s tail. Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1 ½ c. sifted flour. Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows for ventilation. Take telephone away from Malachi and assure party on the line the call was a mistake. Call operator and attempt to have direct dialed call removed from bill. Measure 1 tsp. salt, ½ c. nuts and beat all ingredients well. Let cat out of refrigerator. Pour mixture into well-greased 9x13 pan. Bake 25 minutes. Rescue cat and take razor away from Malachi. Explain to kids that you have no idea if shaved cats will sunburn. Throw cat outside while there’s still time and he’s still able to run away.
Mix the following in saucepan: 1 c. sugar, 1 oz unsweetened chocolate, ¼ c. margarine. Take the darn teddy bear out of the @#$% broiler and throw it away—far away. Answer the door and meekly explain to nice policeman that you didn’t know Malachi had slipped out of the house and was heading for the street. Put Malachi in playpen. Add 1/3 c. milk, dash of salt, and boil, stirring constantly 2 minutes. Answer door and apologize to neighbor for Malachi having stuck a garden hose in man’s front door mail slot. Promise to pay for ruined carpet. Tie Malachi to clothesline. Remove burned brownies from oven.
No, this didn't actually happen in our house...but it easily could have! haha